In The Rear-View Mirror

Here I am living this life. I had no choice on whether I wanted to be alive. No one asked me if I wanted to be a person dealing with life’s good and bad, but here I am anyway! The moment I was conceived, my clock started ticking to my demise. 

As a little girl, my greatest wish was to be a teenager with all of the benefits that come with the achievement of finally getting there. Unfortunately, with that milestone, I realized that much responsibility was laid upon my shoulders. That was not a pleasant revelation. 

So I looked to my next great desire. When I get old enough to drive, I can go where I want to and I will have freedom. Guess what, more pressure was added to my shoulders. I needed money to pay for gas and insurance – oh, and a job! I conquered that hurdle and looked forward.

Next on my list was to be married. Check. However, with that new arrangement, I was the adult who had to make meals, clean the house, and make sure all the clothes were cleaned. The buck wasn’t going to be passed. It was all mine to accept. After a few years, I got used to the routine, but felt an emptiness growing inside of me. I wanted children.

It took a long time, but they came. There were times when I questioned the reason I wanted children. Sleepless nights, temper tantrums, and fevered little faces pushed me to my very limit sometimes. But those sweet little ones grew up and left my house. All that is left is silence.

I try to put on a brave face as a new woman takes my place. I am no longer the most important woman in my boy’s life. Standing back, hoping for the best – I trust they will be happy. Many tears fell, but still I look to the next big event. It’s time for my babies to create their own babies.

This is a wonderful time of life. These new little lives just fall in love with me. They love being near and freely give hugs and kisses. I cherish this time. 

I sit here and look at my hands. They are growing old and wrinkled. How did this happen? Has my clock been that long. I am no longer looking to the next big experience. I wish I could stop time. Now the most precious times of my life are in my past. Memory lane is full of joy and love. I prefer to look in the rear-view mirror from now on. I may not have had a choice whether or not to be born, but I’m grateful that I was. I have lived a blessed life, filled with wonderful people. 

Make the most of everyday – they slip away far too fast.